For anyone who has ever played a Japanese RPG comes the epic, epic Turn Based Battle. Did I mention it’s epic?
Absolutely hilarious if you grew up playing Squaresoft RPG’s or Dragon Warrior. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, well, it probably won’t be that funny. You kind of had to be there.
Also, does this post mean I will start writing on here with something approaching regularity again? The answer of course is no. And by no, I mean yes because that’s the truth and the truth will set you free. So now every time I don’t post I am imprisoning you. Maybe making blanket statements about high-minded concepts like the truth is a stupid thing to do. Speaking of stupid things I should probably wrap this up.
Actually, the other day I was walking down the sidewalk and I overheard a girl on her cellphone saying, “Well, really there is no such thing as the truth.” That seems a pretty scary, haphazard philosophy where words have no meaning and saying “Strawberries are racist” and “Strawberries are delicious” has equal validity. I think she should reevaluate her statement especially since it logically voids it’s own meaning. I have lost all respect for girl-whose-cellphone-conversation-I-overheard. That’s probably too many hyphens.
I’m in a weird mood. Do people become adults any more?
I am tentatively obsessed with MLB ‘09′s Road to the Show mode. For those unaware, Road to the Show allows you to create a player and start a career from scratch. You only play the game situations that you are involved with directly. This works exceptionally well for baseball because the sport is more individual.
I used the qualifier tentatively because a few bizarre fielding/cut-off man glitches irk me. So far I’ve gotten past them because 20-year old starting pitcher, Mike Soucy, has only recently been moved up to Triple A and giving up an error ridden triple is probably reasonable in Double A. But if something I deem a glitch were to cost me a game or break up a no hitter rest assured my anger would suspend the game indefinitely. I would take my ball and go home.
The other reason for qualifying my adoration has actually started to suck me further down the rabbit hole. I started my career with the Dodgers as seemed reasonable given my affection for the organization. In hindsight this was probably a mistake as their major league rotation has three members younger than real life me and more talented than video game me. Their closer actually played in the same area as me in high school and was my nemesis my senior season as we battled for the area lead in strike outs. Given that he closes for the Dodgers now my humiliating defeat has been easy to come to terms with. The glut of young pitching talent led the Dodgers (video game) organization to a logical conclusion: trade me. Trade me to the Pirates. Trade me to the fucking Pirates!
The news was soul crushing. Never before has a video game impacted me so emotionally. The betrayal! I gave everything to this team and you send me to the Pirates who haven’t had a winning season in almost two decades! Suddenly players feeling disconnected, signing simply for the most money and not caring about the team makes sense. After nearly quitting the game I have a new goal: become a free agent and get the hell out of Pittsburgh. I’m likely four years away from that possibility and can’t imagine the frustration a real life player feels.
So I’m trying to balance my ardent desire of reaching the big league’s, establishing my greatness so I can sign with any team, going to LA and winning the World Series with some semblance of a functional, productive life. Fortunately, the southern Californian heat wave seems to have broken allowing my brain to work properly once again.
I do have to give props to the game for the Dodgers-Pirates trade. The Dodgers front office seems to have identified Pittsburgh as a Triple A affiliate to send all their tweener talent. That is one of my favorite aspects of sports: when a GM seems to identify another GM as gullible and continues to pull off trades until the later discovers what is going on. The video game reproduction of this is a low-hanging fruit to be enjoyed by all.
Speaking of video games, the newest Penny Arcade comic is deliciously dark and hilarious. Just know your laughter and tears sustain their nefarious powers.
Also, no new Lost tonight. What? On the plus side I could still do a Podcast about last weeks episode and be hopelessly out of date only in Internet time.
Now that I’m starting to get a feel for talking into a mic by myself I’m going to start putting more effort into these podcasts. Structure an argument, maybe write some jokes before hand. Still be very off the cuff but hopefully provide a little more coherence. Thanks to everyone who’s been listening and for all the feedback. And I will be talking about things other then sports in the future!
I might do one more random one tomorrow for the NIT because why not?
I’ll get back to regular posting as well once I figure out this podcast business.
Also, Killzone 2 doesn’t have multiplayer unless you go online by yourself. So if you want to sit alone and naked while playing a FPS totally the game for you. If you are drunk on a Friday night and want to play your roommate who is drunk off of cough syrup then it is not the game for you. That’s correct. I could play against a friend in Korea but the person sitting three feet away from me can only watch. Mmmm progress.
The game has practically zero replay ability (aside from the super cool ending) but is addictive and infuriating until you figure out the solution. It’s partially logic, partially trial and error but totally worth the 15-20 minutes it’ll take you to figure out.
If you get stuck add a comment and I’ll try to respond or shoot me an e-mail.
Man on Wire, the documentary about the French tightrope walker with the balls to perform between the World Trade Center Towers, is amazing. A perfect study in character based documentary. I’ve read a number of reviews wondering how the film builds so much tension when you already know the outcome. The film allows you to know the characters, who are fortunately all very engaging, and the stresses placed on their relationships while planning this awe-inspiring stunt. Incredibly engaging from start to finish and an interesting study in single-minded focus.
Stumbled upon this new game the other day. Unfortunately, it’s PC only so I can’t play it. (I love my Mac but the software and online services I can’t access are really starting to bother me. The idea of any form of entertainment being inaccessible works on my mind slowly and surely. I keep saying ‘my resolve is strong, my resolve is strong’ but I can feel it crumbling. PC’s are so cheap, and I could use a new laptop….) Anyway, if someone with a PC downloads the game or the demo tell me how it is.
It takes approximately 30-45 seconds to beat and then has a hilarious but spot on social critique of gamers for the closing credits. In essence: You beat the game, congratulations, you’ve accomplished nothing.
Maybe not the exact sentiment of the creator but they certainly look to question games on a more existential level which is something I can fully support.
The fall video game deluge swings into full effect the next couple weeks with Bioshock, Fallout 3, Little Big Planet, Fable 2, Wii Music and a ridiculous many more. I’m already way behind on what I want to play (thankfully they delayed LBP due to some verses from the Koran somehow making it into the game, you can’t make this shit up) but the past month I have had some video game time suck. Notably Tiger Woods 09 and Star Wars: The Force Unleashed.
Tiger Woods is good but like all EA games has some notably flaws they’ll fix for next years version (while adding a few new ones, of course!). The real gem is The Force Unleashed.
The controls and camera are a little spotty at times but when you’re swinging a light saber and shooting lightning from your hands I’m more then willing to meet you halfway. But the story is unbelievable.
The plot and characters make the prequels look, well, like video game plot lines. You play as Darth Vader’s secret Sith assistant. Yes, you will bow down to Darth Vader and call him master. This is awesome. The game picks up with Darth hunting Jedi’s after Episode III but before the rebel alliance has formed in Episode IV. As a child Vader kills your family but decides to train you secretly too one day overthrow the Emperor. That’s the first level. I won’t spoil the story but considering the universe now has 3 Sith one can safely assume copious amounts of double-crossing will occur. Even better the game explains how the rebel alliance formed with beautiful foreshadowing of the Emperor creating his own downfall.
If you like video games and you like Star Wars I can’t recommend this game enough. The story is cool as hell, the boss battles are all epic Jedi/Sith showdowns, and you can throw your lightsaber killing enemies as you run up to them. I cannot over emphasize how incredible this is. Picture a group of enemies in the distance. They see you coming and fire a few blaster shots that you easily knock away with your lightsaber. The shooting pauses long enough for you to sidearm your lightsaber into the throat of one assailant only to have the lightsaber return to you just in time to unleash a fury into the remaining fighters.
Better yet picture it from the other side. You’re on patrol with two other guards when you suddenly see this crazy sword-wielding dude in a cloak running towards you. You fire a few ineffective shots when the guy throws his fucking sword through the neck of your friend only to have the sword return right back to him. He then chops off the head of your other friend before setting his murderous gave upon you. Yes, you did just shit your pants. What else can you do?
New release Tuesday! I picked up the new direct-to-DVD Futurama release, “The Beast With A Billion Backs”. I’m trying to cut back on my usual money hemorrhage but new Futurama movie? Yeah, that’s getting bought.
Since I’m only in the process of moving across the country and logical have lots of time to waste I popped it in the second I got home. Now it should be noted there are certain things in this world I cannot provide an objective opinion on because I love them way too much. Futurama is one of those things. Needless to say I loved watching new Futurama this morning.
With that said I was a little disappointed in the story. The forcing together of several separate plot elements made me cringe a few times. It really felt like they had 3 ideas and just threw them together to make a movie. But at the end of the day I am completely fine with that. In fact, please keep doing it.
The humor is pure Futurama and easily makes up for the muddled plot. If you’re a Futurama fan you’ll laugh your ass off at some of the jokes. I can’t wait to watch it again. Some of the one-liners will be working their way into my every day speech (this is why some people think I’m funny).
Another great thing about these Futurama DVD releases is the extras. Sure, some are storyboard animatics that I couldn’t care less about but most of them are hilarious (or hilarious in their absurdity). “Bender’s Big Score” had a math lecture to help understand the physics used by Professor Farnsworth. Today’s release has all the cut scenes from the Futurama video game which add up to an entire extra episode that was surprisingly funny.
If these were three episodes on their own they’d be well written and drop dead hilarious. As they are you’ll laugh most of the time and easily forgive a few coincidental plot moments. Go watch it. Now!
